


How I Met Your Ouma's Mother

by shangrybible



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Homestuck, Incredibles (Pixar Movies), Monsters Inc (2001), National Football League RPF, Shangry Bible
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, F/M, Florida, Mpreg, Origin Story, Post Mpreg, Slow Burn, Slurs, Tapeworms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 02:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18437450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shangrybible/pseuds/shangrybible
Summary: MY GOD IM SO LONELY SO I OPEN UP THE WINDOW TO HEAR SOUNDS OF PEOPLEKomaeda meets the most non disgusting woman he's ever seen





	1. Ouma's Mom Arrives

Komaeda walked into the Asexual Bar and Grill. He sat down at his favorite bar stool, the one where he had just the right view of the tv. His favorite team was playing on football, the Patriots. God Komaeda loved the Patriots. He loved tom brady more than he loved homestuck. But not as much as he loved slurs. Komaeda pulled out a pen and notepad, drafting the 78th chapter of his tom Brady x Peyton manning fanfiction. Irl shipping is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo smexy!!!!!!!!!!! Suddenly, the bang of the door slamming open turned Komaeda’s attention to the door. A woman was there, a woman of sheer cigarette ash and one a day gummies. 

“Anyone here got weed” said oumas mom.

Komaeda cried. Wow. she was so crimpled. She was so lesbian coded but for the worst reasons. A walking example of lesbophobia and misogyny created by a man. THAT was a woman. For once, Komaeda wasnt completely disgusted by the sight of the female gender. He immediately felt a monoralliegence, which is a dumb term from his homestuck stupid bible shit idiot brain fungus wungus smooth yoda james charles fungus from barbie fairytopia ted cruz arian grande andrew hussie novel. She could be his asexual wife who pegs him in a nonsexual way.

Ouma’s mom sat down at the edge of a bar, muttering words about “climate change is a lie” and “god i hate trans women” and “why the fuck doesnt Golden Corral sell the little hotdogs anymore.” Komaeda sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddded and shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat his pants across the seats to sit next to ouma’s mom. “Hello there, you’re looking quite chocolate cakey” Komaeda said asexually. 

“Hey bitch” ouma mom slurred slurrishly. 

Komeada smiled. “Wow. I felt that. Do you by chance say slurs?”

“Shut up plant” ouma’s mom said an aphobic slur.

“Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo……….. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” komeada cummed and died.

And so, every Aceday (which is everyday cause ACE NVER SLEEPS), they met in the Aexukomal Bar and Grill to talk about racism and how much they hated SJaywoos. Gaycels rise up. Then one day. It happened.

“Oh ouma’s mom.” Said Komaeda. “You’re pretty cool for a WOMAN>”

“Die queer.” Said ouma’s mom.

Komaeda was overcome with such slur joy he couldn’t contain his feelings any longer. He tried to embraced Ouma’s mom. THE ASEXUAL HUG.

But Ouma’s mom pushed Komaeda down before his grimy wormtoes hands could touch her. “WHat the fuck, banan. Dont touch me you fag harlot.” 

Jeffy was hit by the chemicals and the burger.


	2. The Incident (men get pregged)

“Komead a i want to take our relationship to the next level” oumas mom said with an extra layer of crumpled.

Komeada was tepid, but curious. What could his slursexy kween possibly mean??? What….

“Oumas mom, my dear….” komeada’s breath was full of trepidcation. “Do u mean……….”

“Yeas,” oumas mom said in her deep seme-but-a-girl voice. “I want to hug u.”

Komeada was visibly shaken. No on e had ever wanted to touch his slimy infected foul rat body, much lest hug him for an extended period of time!! He was so full of dread - he watched oh joy sex toy, so he knew hugging could result in pregnamcy. But he was so excited he knew he couldnt resist this touch, he didn’t use protection bc he thought he could use Ouma’s Mom to get child support for the rest of his life.

Oumas mom approchaed aKomaeda. “Its hugg time. :” AND SHE LIFTED HIM UP, THREW HIM AGAINST THE TV, SMASHING TOM BRADYS FACE IN A MILLION SPACES AS THE TV SWITCHED CHANNELS TO HAZBIN HOTEL starring severus snape from the harry potter series,  AND WRANG HIS LOTTLE NECK LIKE A FARM RAISED CHCIKEN. AND SHE HUGGED HIS SNIVELING LITTLE BAG OF MAYONNAISE AND SLIGHTLY EXPIRED COTTAGE CHEESE 

And so. It had begun. 

Komaeda felt the worm. His one sided homestuckisshh toenaillegiance had made his skin permeable to the DNA of the bacteria and small worms living on Ouma’s Mom’s skin.

Ouma’s mom’s buscemi eyes crumpled with fear.

The mpregnancy had begnun.


	3. The Birth of Ouma

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. The Afterbirth

The worm had arrived. Ouma’s mom grabbed her erase4r head baby. He was foul and disgusting and covered in black sludge. “Fake and gay.” She slurred.   
“Ur mom gay” said the worm.   
Komaeda was fucking out for the count after giving birt. He would not wake up for another 3 years. But he said..”Ouma’s mom….what should we name our son?”  
“Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” hmmmed ouma’s mom as she hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmed in thot.  
“Dr pepper” dr pepper peppered

Dr pepper then burst in.

“DID SOMEBODY SAY… DOCTOR PEPPER???”

“Well ur name is oumas mom,,,” said doctor pepper, “a. So maybe we should name him ouma”

“I dont fucking care anymore hes fucking disgusting I dont want anything to do with it, hes so filthy ive becoming a fucking homosexual im so repulsed by mens bodies after seeing that disgusting pale faggot give mpreg birth via c-section for a full 10 months that I want to fucking die I will never know peace”

Komaeda silently slid her a child support form across the hospital bed and watched her sign it so he could get money for his killing stalking funko pops and then immediately passed out where he would remain comatose as the ouma worms tried to repair his body for the next 3 years.

 

“Fuck u dr peper” said the newly named ouma. “I love slur juice more”


	5. Epilogue: The State of Ouma's Intestines

The entire state of florida is located in the intesintes of ouma. When randall boggs was banished to florida, he immediately became an anime twink because its oumas intestines and we all living it in.

“What the fuck” randall twinkied twinkilly. “Why am i a fucking twink”

“Welcome…….” said a mysterious voice. “To the komeada clan………..”

“What the fuck is a komeada” randall asked, wish that was me. 

Suddenly the sun rose, and it was the sun from the telly tubbies but with ouma’s nazi rat bitch face.

“U are mine now………………………….. My precious son………………………..”

‘Fuck u my daddy is mike pence” randall said denially.

“Mikey pencus wengus cant save u now my child, drink my slur juice and become “

Ouma didnt finish his sentence because the tsa immediatey performed an emergency c section on his brain cavity.

“Its a boy!!” said purple fnaf man as he held the newly born again randall. 

“Are u fucking for real” randall said tapewormishly, he wasnt a cute twink anymore his hip do in fact lie :((((((

“my ……….. Hes so beaut-” ouma tried to say something positive for once in his pathetiC life but then eggplant boy used a giant mallet to smash his fucking empty ass rat bitch nazi head into the pavement.

“Gay rights or die” eggpLant boi eggplant boi’d as he ascended to shangyism.

 

As komeada crawled out o f the homestuck hut and immedaitely began reviving his nazi son with a bicycle pump, randall watched in stunned silence. Pence…………… pls


End file.
